My friend told me this lovely bit of marriage advice (which I will probably slaughter . . . creative license is needed here), which I passed on to Phoebe when we were talking about how her darling boyfriend is finally catching on to the hints she's been dropping about what a real date is and how he should treat her (he does treat her very very well . . . she's just fine tuning it):
My friend's friend's (yes, one of THOSE stories), sat her daughter down before her wedding and said, "Look at your father. He's pretty much perfect isn't he? He takes such good care of us. He mows the lawn, he takes out the trash, he buys us what we want, and is there for us when ever we need him."
The daughter nodded her head and said, "Yes, Dad is pretty amazing."
The mother said, "Yes, he is. That took 25 years of training. Don't expect your husband to be like your father over night. Give him time. He'll get there."
When I heard this I both laughed and cried. I think of us, newly married, and me getting so frustrated at John for not being my dad. And to give John credit, my father is like a super father and human. He can fix everything and is fiercely protective of his daughters. He totally and utterly spoiled us girls and fixed literally everything that was broken . . . hairdryers, cars, and hearts. He had 35 years of training before I married John. I so wish someone had given me that advice so I wasn't so quick to judge John not being what I thought a husband should be. Bless his heart for sticking with cranky old me.
But 23 years later . . . he's pretty much perfect. I love this human with my whole heart. But him becoming a pretty amazing husband (he buys me peanut butter and black licorice just like I love) and literally the best father any child in this world could dream of having (he melts my heart with his tenderness to our babies and yet at the same time laying down good ground rules that will help them get through tough times in their lives) . . . it did take a few many years of training.
So all you newly weds, be patient. It will take a minute or weeks or months or sometimes years. But they'll get there. And when they do . . . you'll be so glad you stuck it out.
(Phoebe, by the way, when I gave her this advice, laughed her head off. And then, about forty-five minutes later said, "Mom, I think you're right. It's silly to expect them to know anything about being a boyfriend if they've never been one--or husband or father or whatever. We all need a little time to learn don't know." Oh, yes we do. Let's hope she's patient and remembers this . . . I have a good feeling she will.)
My friend's friend's (yes, one of THOSE stories), sat her daughter down before her wedding and said, "Look at your father. He's pretty much perfect isn't he? He takes such good care of us. He mows the lawn, he takes out the trash, he buys us what we want, and is there for us when ever we need him."
The daughter nodded her head and said, "Yes, Dad is pretty amazing."
The mother said, "Yes, he is. That took 25 years of training. Don't expect your husband to be like your father over night. Give him time. He'll get there."
When I heard this I both laughed and cried. I think of us, newly married, and me getting so frustrated at John for not being my dad. And to give John credit, my father is like a super father and human. He can fix everything and is fiercely protective of his daughters. He totally and utterly spoiled us girls and fixed literally everything that was broken . . . hairdryers, cars, and hearts. He had 35 years of training before I married John. I so wish someone had given me that advice so I wasn't so quick to judge John not being what I thought a husband should be. Bless his heart for sticking with cranky old me.
But 23 years later . . . he's pretty much perfect. I love this human with my whole heart. But him becoming a pretty amazing husband (he buys me peanut butter and black licorice just like I love) and literally the best father any child in this world could dream of having (he melts my heart with his tenderness to our babies and yet at the same time laying down good ground rules that will help them get through tough times in their lives) . . . it did take a few many years of training.
So all you newly weds, be patient. It will take a minute or weeks or months or sometimes years. But they'll get there. And when they do . . . you'll be so glad you stuck it out.
(Phoebe, by the way, when I gave her this advice, laughed her head off. And then, about forty-five minutes later said, "Mom, I think you're right. It's silly to expect them to know anything about being a boyfriend if they've never been one--or husband or father or whatever. We all need a little time to learn don't know." Oh, yes we do. Let's hope she's patient and remembers this . . . I have a good feeling she will.)
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