The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

Part of being human is dealing with regret. It's like the hardest part, for me, of being human.  I hate hate hate hate hate that sick feeling of regret. The first time I remember feeling regret (though I didn't know what the word was for it then) was when I stole handfuls of pennies from my sister's (and I don't remember which one) box under her bed.  Why I was under her bed in the first place I have no idea (probably a game of hide and seek), but I found literally a treasure trove of pennies.  And pennies meant tootsie rolls (one penny) and bazooka gum (three pennies) at Benjamin Franklin.  So I reached in and grabbed out handfuls and ran to my room to hide them.  And next time we were out, I bought a whole big bag of treats.  And the next time and the next time . . . all with handfuls of stolen pennies. Then the sister (and honestly, I still can't remember) pulled out her box and began literally crying about how she had no money.  ...

Me . . . by Finn My friend has this saying that I love:  "Your ugly is showing . . .  tuck it in!" Lately, I feel like my human has been showing and I'm desperately trying to tuck it in.  And when I say human, I mean, my weaknesses.  I feel like they are glaringly out there . . . my ignorance, my lateness, my forgetfulness, my cluelessness, my anxiety, my fears, and my thick as a brick state.  For reals, why does it all hang out at once?  It's soo real. I've been wondering why it is so present right now?  In so many ways, my life is sweeter than ever.  One child married to literally to someone I could not have in my wildest dreams imagined for my son . . . Chloe is his other half.  One happily and thriving in college.  A senior with dreams and determination and darn good work ethic who seems (fingers crossed) happier than she's ever been.  Then two little kids who are so uniquely themselves I wonder whose children ...

So this is me and my sister, Annie B.  Note our natural state.  We are in this photo about to embark on a week of showerless existence.  I woke up that morning and said to myself, Let the week of no make up, no hair do, lots of wet wipes, and prayers begin. I may have been a little excited about it (and the fact that I can take photos with my watch as a timer . . . holy. cow.  I mean, look at these awesome shots I got of me . . . yes, you are welcome to laugh your head off at them.  I do).  but really . . . aren't they a little awesome?  I mean . . . look at those jumps! So we camped. We hiked.   We biked (a lot). We saw bears (if you look really careful you'll see him too . . . Finn biked right by him about a foot away . . . Hello, Bear.  You're cute.  But I'm still scared of you). We cooked (and it was hard.   Bear boxes . . . BEAR BOXES will be the death of me.  Honestly, my phone tracked...