The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

John at me at a friend's 50th birthday celebration last week Watching my children fall in love has brought home to me my own fall and reminded me of the mystery of it all.  There aren't words or explanations or reasons.  It just happens for no apparent reason or maybe every apparent reason. I hated the idea of falling in love and marriage when I was sixteen.  Everywhere I looked, I saw long term love and marriage as something hard and heavy and wearying.  I had already told my mother that there was no way I was ever going to get married. It just seemed like way too much work and totally tied you down . . . not to mention children.  They were WAY too much work.  I was going to travel the world (I already had the perfect backpack and hiking shoes and clothes that were perfect for travel) after college (which I was going to finish as quick as possible).  I was going to dig wells   and teach people how to read and fill my arms with be...

( Our hike on Saturday . . . and how we ended up after arriving back home--we hiked like crazy people up and ran our little fanny's off down . . . and that is why I am so sore and happy and sleepy) When asked to give Newlyweds advice, mine is always this:  If you find yourself in a bit of a disagreement late into the night, JUST GO TO BED.  It will, I promise, be better in the morning. I got lots of the exact opposite advice when we first got married:  Never, ever go to be angry. It turns out, at least for us, 99.99999% of the reason we are angry/frustrated/hurt at each other is because we are bone weary.  We can't see straight.  So if it's past 10pm when we start into a "discussion" as we like to call it in our house (which have been known to rattle the window pains), we just say, We will finish this in the morning.  John goes to bed and I go into the study and cry for about ten minutes until he comes and finds me and pulls me off the couch ...