The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

So I go this from a friend today and literally could not stop laughing: Because for reals . . . I've been looking in the mirror, and each day I think I age about 10 years.  No joke.  I'm out of my special night cream (it works miracles . . . Derma-e anti aging . ..I'll tell you more about it later) and I haven't been able to go get my monthly facial and I think I'm forgetting to even wash my face let alone lotion it . . .  So really, I look like Sue.  Only I'm 45, so I'm more like an Egyptian mummy . . .  What are you guys doing without?   I don't think of myself as a vain person or even a high-maintenance person, but holy cow, turns out I just MIGHT be. My nails, without their every few weeks appointment, look horrible.  Who knew that under my years of toe polish are some really ugly, not so healthy nails?  Oh . . . and my poor finger nails.   But those are all easily hidden to the public eye . . . my hair . . . NOT SO MUCH.

Saturday I turn 44. I look 44. A few years ago, I tried really hard to hide the fact that I was in my 40s. I was, in fact, idiotic.  It happens. Now, each day, I look in the mirror and think, Hey, only one new wrinkle. Dang girl, you're looking good! Yeah.  At some point, I had this shift.  Instead of all the stuff going wrong, I started being really grateful for all the stuff that's going right. Which tops my list: 1.  Glad to be alive, just because I am ALIVE .  It's a blessing to be able to be in this miraculous world right at this moment. 2. Watching my children grow up .  Rearing children is the stuff of jugglers, optimists, heroes, mathematicians, estheticians, nutritionalists and magicians. Watching them leap out of the nest and fly, more awesome (and terrifying) than I ever expected.  Moses, it's amazing.  Thank you, God, for letting me be here to watch this . . . please help me not to mess it up. 3.  Understanding the po

(Sample of my favorite outfit . . . ) This journey of mine began months ago, in the spring, when I would wake up nearly every morning feeling . . . discontent. I was always mystified because I'm the first to admit that my life is good.  Really good.  But still each morning I'd wake up and feel sad.  I'd go in my closet, put on my running or yoga clothes (I do one or the other every day) and look at myself in the mirror and think, Blah.   Then I'd go my work out and come back and not feel any better for it.   I didn't like what I saw in the mirror.   I hate this part.  I feel all sorts of shame and wrongness, but I'm going for the full honestly and so I'll say, I really didn't like the getting old me.  If I wanted to lose five pounds even two years ago, I'd up my mileage and cut out sugar.  Boom.  Five pounds gone.  Then back to eating whatever I wanted. And so on and so forth.  It was easy maths. But then things started changi