The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

(And we need to get our internet fixed!  It was down again last night . . .  So here's yesterdays) I slept in Saturday morning until 9am. This is actually unheard of for me (unless I travel east).  I wake with the birds.  7:30am is actually pretty late for me to get up . . . but 9am.  Unheard of. And so needed.  I was in bed fast asleep by 10:30 pm Friday night (after the grandma hour date John and I had--dinner and a movie all before 9:30pm--no crowds anywhere!  It was the best). I know I've been mentioning having a hard few months where my anxiety has been a bit higher than normal, but what I was really experiencing was pretty hard long days every day.  I couldn't really get a grip on reality.  I'm still not totally sure what is real and what isn't.  That's the hard part of anxiety, it makes you doubt yourself and everything and everyone around you.  And this, by far, is nothing compared to what I've been through. I know...

I'm sure I mentioned this before, but I'll mention it again . . . just in case . . . as a child, I was somewhat riddled with anxiety.  Like I woke up each morning convinced that this day was my last.  My poor mother.  Bless her heart for dealing with my crazy. At some point, maybe around 12 or 13 I begin to realize that this daily terror was affecting my life (yes, it took me a minute).  Everyone around me seemed to get into cars without the least worry.  They'd leave their love ones daily and not fear and tremble that it would be the last time they'd lay their eyes on their dearly beloved.  Not to mention, they did fun things . . . like all the time.  They biked, swam, ate adventurous food, and well . . . lived.   Now, I'm going to get side tracked for a second, and mention that my fears were founded on fact.  My brother was seriously injured in front of me, my mother got ran over as I watched (both stories for another ti...

This whole week--since last Friday--the weather has been stormy and gray and cold.  There is no hint of warmth except for the few minutes here or there when the sun peeks out behind the clouds and then it is only a brief warmth that barely makes you turn your head towards the light. March came in like a Lamb, there is no option it seems but to go out like a Lion. And this year, it is a sullen and grumpy lion.  And I feel like I can totally relate. These past three weeks of John starting a job have been worthy of gray weather and storms and fits and starts and moments when it seems the sun will shine,  only to get your hopes dashed with the gray clouds moving in.  There have been reprieves and I have been thankful for them, but overall, this adjustment time is challenging.  Last night, after the guest all left and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep,  I was woken by my eye aching and the discovery that I couldn't really see out of it.  Instead ...