The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

This whole week--since last Friday--the weather has been stormy and gray and cold.  There is no hint of warmth except for the few minutes here or there when the sun peeks out behind the clouds and then it is only a brief warmth that barely makes you turn your head towards the light. March came in like a Lamb, there is no option it seems but to go out like a Lion. And this year, it is a sullen and grumpy lion.  And I feel like I can totally relate. These past three weeks of John starting a job have been worthy of gray weather and storms and fits and starts and moments when it seems the sun will shine,  only to get your hopes dashed with the gray clouds moving in.  There have been reprieves and I have been thankful for them, but overall, this adjustment time is challenging.  Last night, after the guest all left and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep,  I was woken by my eye aching and the discovery that I couldn't really see out of it.  Instead ...

Last year was pretty darn AMAZING  . . . but this one was just as good (and maybe even a little bit better). Started out with sleeping in (bless John's heart). Then Headstand Yoga (which I did one ore two of them and fell on most . . .) This isn't actually the headstand yoga--it's a picture I took to make my friend feel guilty about ditching a few days ago . .. but you can feel the yoga energy . . .  Then I went to the Temple with my darling friend and met up accidentally with another for a quiet (yes please!), contemplative, warm and cozy (between my two dear dear friends) morning . . .  Followed by the MOST DELICIOUS surprise LUNCH EVER at Cubby's with even more darling friends (lots of talking about Magical Tidying Up and traveling the world--pretty much dream conversations). Then . . .  a unexpected (but much needed) pedicure treat that honestly melted my bones (I LOVE those massage chairs.  I need one!) and made my sweet little r...

Today, I totally had a-ha! moment. I was watching this movie ( Miss Potter --utterly delightful if you haven't seen it) and in the end, this woman gets married at the ancient age of 40!  I was horrified.  That's too old.  You're all dried up.  You're an old woman by then.  Poor her!  Old old OLD her. And then . . . I realized . . .Uh, tomorrow I turn 41. And I don't think I'm dried up at all. I think I'm . . . pretty much awesome.  I am not OLD! Am I . . . ? I had to stop and just laugh at myself.  All my life I really thought LIFE ended at 40.  What good were you after that?  You didn't have babies anymore (not true, but my young brain was convinced of this), you weren't sexy, cute, or anything awesome.  40 on up you were saggy old ladies who wore ugly bathing suits, sexless pants, and loved to chat on the couch/porch/pool/beach instead of getting out there and DOING stuff. In short . . . 40 was the beginning of the end...

I almost posted last night, only I was squished between coughing, moaning Piper and tired John.  To move meant to disrupt a balance (and a restlessly sleeping girl) and could result in drama.  And after a early morning, 6 loaves of bread, two Sharing Time Easter week lessons, 8 children (4 college students fed, 80 hot cross buns, 250 candy eggs, one big easter meal, and everyone (except the sicko) into bed, I was in the mood for drama and I was not good for much more than a long, sweet sign. Today . . . well, it's been so full of good things.  I've been reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up  and I'm on the third page.  That's how much time I have to read while I got to the bathroom.  The only time I really read during the day.  And so far it's totally inspiring.  But it's also a little depressing because I realized that in order to tidy and organize your life . . . you have to have TIME to do it.  To de-clutter and organize a clos...

I've been very distracted this week for lots of reasons--John still getting adjusted to his job, me getting adjusted to my job again (mama without a nanny), Celia riding (or not riding) her horse, and my beautiful niece getting engaged and being part of the process. I'll let you see the process . . .   The start of the Engagement Walk . . . Cody was up the hill waiting for Hannon . . . (the white dots in the photo is SNOW)   Walking up the hill trying really hard not to tell Hannon . . .   The hiding while the Proposal Happened . . .    And here they are . . . Engaged . . .    The Congratulations . . .    The Family Selfie . . . BEAUTIFUL MOMENT   And Us with Evie . . . because it's too darling not to add to the beauty of the day   The Triumphant Decent (leaving the newly engaged behind)   And Finishing up the evening with Easter Egg dying . . .  Isn't it beauti...

Spring is the time each year I fall in love . . . with John my kids the air the mountains friends life. This year is no different. It's like winter has glazed over my eyes and numbed my heart, but the warmth of the gentle spring sun is melting it away and I can see and feel again. Things--words, touches, smiles, laughter--they become precious and profound and tender. I must stop and bask in it.  Soak it in.  Let it sink into me and wake me up again. Yesterday Finn told me that he loved me and I felt my heart shudder a little at it's pure sweetness. Natascha climbed with me over ice fields and through woods to find my phone in the snow (stupid me) and laughed and cheered me on. Everyday of the week Lynsie comes over and practices yoga with me even when we both would rather be in bed.  She gets me on the mat more than anything else. My running group gets me up at 545 Monday and Thursday mornings and inspires me and pushes me to be not only faste...

Sometimes we get tired. I don't mean sleepy or exhausted, I mean tired.  Tired of your routine, your work outs, your house, your friends, your kids, your husband, your . . . (fill in the blank).  That's how I've been feeling lately.  Tired. I find myself getting into the car to go to the grocery store or anywhere and I fight the impulse to just keep on going.  California is calling my name . . . or forget that, Mexico is sending me love texts constantly.  And it's not because I don't love my people, I do.  I just . . . I just want to go . . . Last night as I sat by Phoebe who was studying away as I was about to climb into bed, I said, Hey, how are you? She usually just says fine and goes back to her studying, but last night, as I smoothed her hair away from her face, she looked up at me and sighed.  Mom, she said, I feel off.  Everything is blah.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I don't like anything.  I smoothed her...

Piper and Finn both felt under the weather this morning. It was fierce raining sleet. So I let them stay home. The sleet turned to billowing clouds of snow and wind and we sat on my bed and watched it. They were horribly bored. They both decided that even though they felt kind of crappy, school was much better than watching snow fall. Mission accomplished. They are definitely going to school tomorrow. And, they were bored enough to make, by themselves, two batches of ramen noodles, 20 cupcakes (with frosting), played one game of Sleeping Queen (I joined them and won), made dinner with me, and cleaned out the toy closet under the stairs. Being home sick is a lot of work, they said. They were wiped out. They went to bed early without one word of complaint. I have a feeling that even if they're still feeling under the very icky weather, they will still be going to school. I am a genius.

Happy Spring! It's totally happening here . . . daffodils blooming, forsythia busting out in all it's yellow glory, and the trees buds are getting fatter and fatter.  Bless the spreading green . . . may it keep spreading until the world is green and bright and fragrent. And please, please help my allergies . . . There is something that happens to me each spring (and maybe most of us), but I get all these glorious headaches that sometimes blind me, runny noses that make my raw, and tickle coughs that make me run to get a drink asap and pop in cough drops constantly. But the hardest thing of all is that I am soo sleepy all the time.  I know it's all tied up in my histamines going insane, but it makes me a little nutty that my body can't seem to snap out of it. The alarm goes off in the morning, I'm sure.  I just don't hear it. Every time I sit down pretty much, I fall asleep.  Today when poor Finnegan was telling me about his day at school (someone bro...

  There's nothing like flying a kite. I don't know why, but it's like flying vicariously or something.  I love it so much and it doesn't get old, no matter how many years go by.  And it seems that everyone in my family loves to fly kites too. My beautiful sister-in-law requested a kite flying day for her birthday.  Yesterday, in fact, (when this photo was taken), we spent the early evening sending our kites into the heavens (they did not always stay there) and watched them dance in the wind (until they crashed down and I spent an hour untangling the mess) and laughed and danced with them.   I think it's because for a minute or two, we feel our smallness in the vastness of the sky and we feel like for a moment we've harnessed the wind and we're part of it all. Maybe my wishful thinking? Probably, but hey, I'm trying to verbalize joy and it's an elusive thing--that's what pictures are for right?  So you tell me . . . w...

Sometimes you just have a good day.  It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, you just need to sit back and relish it.  That's what I'm doing right now. The sun is pouring in through the wall of windows in my room warming me all the way through.  Piper and Finn are happily playing downstairs with their cousins, their laughter and chatter floating up the stairs making me smile.  Celia has spent the day at home (her free day) making cake, reading, and actually helping me.  Phoebe is off with laughing friends--I won't see her again today I'm sure.  And John is off picking up pizza so no dinner making for me (joy joy joy) After a beautiful session of flowing yoga and a killer 10 minute ab workout with my choga girls, I walked three miles with Emily in the wind and the sunshine and felt cold and alive.  Then I curled up on the couch with the final book in the Red Rising series (honestly, best. books. ever!) and finally got to read.  I ignore...

I am so in the Red Tent (notice my post yesterday--posted at 11:58pm and it was only pictures--darling Piper--but still only pictures.  Lazy and doing nothing girl, that is me!). But in here, I keep having these thoughts . . . And this one is about Doubt. Why am I afraid of that word? Doubt. It's uncomfortable. . . To experience either because someone doubts you or because you doubt someone.  It's like a pit in your stomach of dread and foreboding. Doubt. What if what you believe is not true? What if what this person or that person is saying is not true? What if the people you trust, betray it? Yeah, see, doubt is a scary word because it represents the opposite of faith or security or knowledge, right? It's slippery and it creates all sorts of insecurity. Yeah, you're seeing why I'm afraid of that word and that concept . . .. In fact, perhaps it's  a hot button to me.  When I was a younger person (maybe not that long ago) when someone...

 Hair . . .  Nails . . .   Finished product.   Oh yeah.   Piper totally has talent. 

I read Anita Diamant's The Red Tent years and years ago and the story is now a bit hazy in my mind, but what isn't, is the images of all the biblical wives gathering in the red tent each month during their "unclean" period (ha ha) of the month. Since reading that book, not a month goes by when I don't think, I wish I had a red tent to escape to.  And now that I have daughters, I can really really see the need for a place to go because really, there is a moment or two (or ten) each month when you're just not fit for company. Oh, how well I know this. My dearest friend/sister Celeste, a women's health/midwife/professor of women's studies, told me that during our cycles, right before we cycle, we try to get our hearts and minds and body aligned.  Many months we don't even notice this because we are already in sync.  Some months we might feel a bit cranky or out of sorts, but it quickly resolves once we cycle.  And then sometimes we're all s...

I am unreservedly happy about this new job for John. I know, my house doesn't magically get cleaned and I have to go back to folding clothes and running kids everywhere and I'll have to go to Costco alone and lift those impossibly heavy items in and OUT of my car, but I don't care. Because it feels so so SO good to know that (not today, but soon) when something breaks, I can fix it (or replace it--good-bye broken garbage can . . . . thank you for holding it together until now). We can buy name brand hand soap (Celia's biggest complaint). And most of all John is starting something new and interesting and challenging . . . And I am free to sleep all day again. Only kidding (though . . . now that I think of it . . . I may try it). Really, I can already see the difference in how John stands, how he lights up when he talks about his day,  and how he moves, that he feels fundamentally better.  Way better. Which makes me sigh and my shoulders relax (and it feel...

I am not a fan of Day Light Savings. I mean, I like having the day light last longer in the evening and all that, but oh, how my body HATES waking up an hour earlier.  In fact, I sort of can't.  This morning John tried to wake me up for 35 minutes.  I thought I was awake until he came back and leaned over me and said, "Hey, you, are you getting up or what?" "Obviously," I told him slightly grumpily, "I am NOT." But I did (late) and I got to church (late) and primary was awesome (and late), but I didn't feel to bad because EVERYONE was late. That's the very best part of Daylight Savings.  For about three days, I have the worlds best excuse for being late . . . Day Light Savings , you know, it's a killer. Yeah, I just couldn't get my act together . . . I'm so tired.  You too?  Yeah, it's the pits. And then, after the said three days, well, I'm just late for no good reason other than I can't seem to get myself to ...