The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

I grew up in the backwoods (literally) of Connecticut (so a sort of well educated backwoods). My grandmother and aunts had goats.  We had chickens.  We all had dogs and cats that wondered around at will and in the summer, my house was surrounded by trees so thick you couldn't see anything but green when you looked out the windows.  But when I was very young, I guess we didn't look out the windows much at all.  Mostly, I guess, we just sat in our basement and watched TV. My dad in a fit of passion (I can so relate to him), literally picked up the TV and threw it out the door.  He did not, it turns out, like how we didn't do anything but watch the BOOB TUBE as he called it. Did this totally stop us? I'm afraid not. This meant we all went down to our grandmother's as a result on Friday nights to watch Fantasy Island and Dukes of Hazard and The Hulk. We all squished on the two recliners and sprawled on the floor to watch her tiny 13" TV with at best mon...

I just finished two TED talks about strangers.  The first talked about how much we benefit from actually making eye contact, having a conversation, and actually being vulnerable with them is to our minds, hearts, and souls.  The second was about altruistic people and what makes someone altruistic . . . and can altruism be learned? As I was chopping away at my flower patch that is not mostly just taken over by Black-Eyed Susans, I thought about strangers and what I was taught about stranger and how I feel about them now. Here is before . . . And here is after . . .  I know, it's hard to tell, but if you look really hard you can . . . I promise . . . at least I hope . . . But back to strangers.  As I was listening I immediately thought of this super long flight I was on from Calgary to Connecticut (honestly, like about as far apart as you can get).  I was 7 3/4 months pregnant with Finnegan flying out to go to my grandmother's funer...

What I miss the very mostest about being young is that ability to forget everything but the very moment you are in. If you are tired, you sleep. If you are hungry, you eat. If you want to read, you pick up a book and read. If you want to watch a movie/show/tv, you sit your little butt down and watch. If you're a mama, you have to think about nine thousand things before you do anything. If you are tired, you stay tired because you just don't have time to sleep. If you are hungry, you'd better go grocery shopping and get cooking because no one is really going to eat if you don't. If you want to read . . . well, you always want to read, but the laundry, cleaning, weeding, talking, caring, fixing, loving must happen before that happens. If you want to watch a movie, well, you can try, but really, you probably will just fall asleep. And be so happy for that sleep because you know, if you're me and you only watch tv with your whole family surrounding y...

For the last three days, I've felt like my life is enchanted. The weather has been stormy and calm, cloudy and full of sunshine and it seems to match my moods perfectly. I've honestly found myself thinking, Yes, God, finally I get weather to match me!  Thank you!  (Because, of course everything is about ME). The children are all happy. I am sleeping like a new born baby. I have time to both read AND visit and the people I want to be with have time to be with me and it's worked out. I'm not so worried about schedules or getting places or things done.  Mostly, I'm just happy letting life flow around me and letting what is, is. I've had energy to work out and don't feel too exhausted afterwards--in fact often, I find I have more energy than before. When I've gone to do my six errands in one hour, I've gotten every. single. one. done. Unheard of. And I was happy doing it.  Honestly, didn't run into one line that sidelined me. I...

While I was running in the pouring rain today, I kept thinking about writing.  In fact, when it was pouring pouring pouring and the temperature dropped like 10 degrees and I started losing feeling in my fingers, I began writing this post in my mind.  It was really really good.  I laughed and cried and thought Gees, you're such a great writer Mary! (Yes, I can in fact fool myself).  Only now . . . I can't really remember much I wrote in my mind.  Darn mind.  Speaking of minds, May turns mine to mush.  Between allergies (thank you beautiful budding trees . . . I lovingly Hate You) and the insane end of year recitals and school demands, I can't keep anything straight.  Everything is going sideways and I'm barely holding on.  I honestly think every single May, I am officially going crazy.  Then school ends, June comes cool and calm and there aren't really any demands and I get to remember how to breath. No joke, I actually honestly get s...

Kindness. It's like the most wonderful thing ever. But so is honesty and sometimes, I like it even more than kindness. I think we often, in the fear of being unkind, are not honest when we should be.  This lack of honesty creates all sorts of bad behaviors in ourselves and in our friends and family and people we interact with. Lots of crap situations happen because we are too afraid of just telling the truth--even if it's hard to hear or say.  Lately, well, this year, I've been really working on examining myself and truth and honesty and kindness and how I interact.  I've come to a few realizations, but first, let me define honesty. To me, honesty is when we tell what's inside our hearts and let what is important to us be known.  Honesty is NOT an excuse to say, Yeah, let me be honest, you're a crap sister or you're a bad husband or you really DON'T understand how to do your hair.  No, being honest is saying, I don't think I can actually be r...

Yesterday I sat with my face to the sun for hours.  It was the perfect temperature--mid 70s--with a gentle breeze that came exactly the moment when it got too hot.  I was surrounded by my children, John and my sister and her family.  We all listened to wise advice and beautiful music and felt the peacefulness and calming that comes from being reminded that we are not alone in the universe and that we are loved and that we are capable of greatness. And I was also sick and so were all of us.  Finn has goopy eye that weeps white stuff and all of us have sore throats and an excess of mucus.  It's icky in every way.  But yesterday, while I sat in the sun and listened, I felt at peace. And this morning as I did a hard yoga practice with Anne in the sunshine as the wind outside literally shook the house and made it moan, I still felt it.  As I went from pose to pose, I thought about how hard yoga is (for those of you who think it's easy . . . please,...

And today marks my 40th blog entry.  I am feeling . . . well, I'll tell you, but first . . .  Look!  The Sun DID come out . . .   I sat outside (even if it was a bit chilly and windy) and soaked up all that good vitamin D. Piper and Finn are miraculously better (at least while the sun shines). John is happier at work (HUGE sigh). Phoebe and Celia got the grades they hoped for at school (bless them for being studious--Oh Henry, how you've made us so happy with just passing . . . you did good for your sisters LOWERING the bar). Our family worries are for the moment holding steady and in fact, looking optimistic. And best of all, my eye seems to be just fine.  Finnegan was right. So here we are . . .  40 posts later and I feel . . .   Proud. Humbled. Thankful. A little embarrassed.  Grateful. Enlightened. And most of all brave. I think these feelings have spread to every are...

This whole week--since last Friday--the weather has been stormy and gray and cold.  There is no hint of warmth except for the few minutes here or there when the sun peeks out behind the clouds and then it is only a brief warmth that barely makes you turn your head towards the light. March came in like a Lamb, there is no option it seems but to go out like a Lion. And this year, it is a sullen and grumpy lion.  And I feel like I can totally relate. These past three weeks of John starting a job have been worthy of gray weather and storms and fits and starts and moments when it seems the sun will shine,  only to get your hopes dashed with the gray clouds moving in.  There have been reprieves and I have been thankful for them, but overall, this adjustment time is challenging.  Last night, after the guest all left and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep,  I was woken by my eye aching and the discovery that I couldn't really see out of it.  Instead ...

Last year was pretty darn AMAZING  . . . but this one was just as good (and maybe even a little bit better). Started out with sleeping in (bless John's heart). Then Headstand Yoga (which I did one ore two of them and fell on most . . .) This isn't actually the headstand yoga--it's a picture I took to make my friend feel guilty about ditching a few days ago . .. but you can feel the yoga energy . . .  Then I went to the Temple with my darling friend and met up accidentally with another for a quiet (yes please!), contemplative, warm and cozy (between my two dear dear friends) morning . . .  Followed by the MOST DELICIOUS surprise LUNCH EVER at Cubby's with even more darling friends (lots of talking about Magical Tidying Up and traveling the world--pretty much dream conversations). Then . . .  a unexpected (but much needed) pedicure treat that honestly melted my bones (I LOVE those massage chairs.  I need one!) and made my sweet little r...

Today, I totally had a-ha! moment. I was watching this movie ( Miss Potter --utterly delightful if you haven't seen it) and in the end, this woman gets married at the ancient age of 40!  I was horrified.  That's too old.  You're all dried up.  You're an old woman by then.  Poor her!  Old old OLD her. And then . . . I realized . . .Uh, tomorrow I turn 41. And I don't think I'm dried up at all. I think I'm . . . pretty much awesome.  I am not OLD! Am I . . . ? I had to stop and just laugh at myself.  All my life I really thought LIFE ended at 40.  What good were you after that?  You didn't have babies anymore (not true, but my young brain was convinced of this), you weren't sexy, cute, or anything awesome.  40 on up you were saggy old ladies who wore ugly bathing suits, sexless pants, and loved to chat on the couch/porch/pool/beach instead of getting out there and DOING stuff. In short . . . 40 was the beginning of the end...

I almost posted last night, only I was squished between coughing, moaning Piper and tired John.  To move meant to disrupt a balance (and a restlessly sleeping girl) and could result in drama.  And after a early morning, 6 loaves of bread, two Sharing Time Easter week lessons, 8 children (4 college students fed, 80 hot cross buns, 250 candy eggs, one big easter meal, and everyone (except the sicko) into bed, I was in the mood for drama and I was not good for much more than a long, sweet sign. Today . . . well, it's been so full of good things.  I've been reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up  and I'm on the third page.  That's how much time I have to read while I got to the bathroom.  The only time I really read during the day.  And so far it's totally inspiring.  But it's also a little depressing because I realized that in order to tidy and organize your life . . . you have to have TIME to do it.  To de-clutter and organize a clos...