Warmth: Taking a Minute

Yesterday I sat with my face to the sun for hours.  It was the perfect temperature--mid 70s--with a gentle breeze that came exactly the moment when it got too hot.  I was surrounded by my children, John and my sister and her family.  We all listened to wise advice and beautiful music and felt the peacefulness and calming that comes from being reminded that we are not alone in the universe and that we are loved and that we are capable of greatness.

And I was also sick and so were all of us.  Finn has goopy eye that weeps white stuff and all of us have sore throats and an excess of mucus.  It's icky in every way. 

But yesterday, while I sat in the sun and listened, I felt at peace.

And this morning as I did a hard yoga practice with Anne in the sunshine as the wind outside literally shook the house and made it moan, I still felt it.  As I went from pose to pose, I thought about how hard yoga is (for those of you who think it's easy . . . please, do this practice).  My arms were shaking and my legs felt like rubber.  I tried to do my bakasana to headstand back to bakasana to plank and I just folded.  I was exhausted.  But I also felt like everything bad inside me, all the soreness from a long drive and somewhat restless sleep and too much sitting, was pushed out and away.  As I breathed (sometimes very hard) in and out, I felt a centering and relaxing happening as it always does.  When I finished, wobbly and tired, I felt also energized, clear headed and open.

Anne, who doesn't do yoga that often, said, I feel nauseous and like my body is working stuff out.

Totally normal, I told her.  It's what happens sometimes and it's getting rid of all your toxins.

I know, this sounds hoaxy but it's true.  I can go do a practice (even badly) when I don't feel very well and by the end, I feel like I'm sort of reset.  I personally think it's all the deep breathing.  They say meditation is healing, and I have to say, I think it is.  Yes, I still get sick, but not as often.  It's that mindful relaxing of all your muscles that eases aches and pains and lets your body rest and heal.  

I had totally forgotten about that.  I feel it often and I know that I am cleaning house, so to speak, that I forget that other people new to yoga would sort of freak out.  So she just did child's pose until it passed.  And it did.  Then you drink like a camel and your body really does get rid of the junk.  It's awesome.

So today, most of all, I'm going to drink drink drink and continue with my mindful eating (being on vacation is going to make this especially challenging) and also focus on being kind to myself.

Sitting in the sun and then doing this longer yoga practice that was challenging has reminded me that most of all, I need to be kind to myself.  It's ok to just sit in the sun and it's ok to be in child's pose (even for the whole practice).  We will never feel the warmth of the sun if we don't take the time to sit in it's rays.  For sure, we should challenge ourselves in all areas and push ourselves, but then after that push, take time to stop and just feel the warmth and peace and satisfaction of our accomplishments.

I know this again sounds so trite and simple, but it's not.  It's so hard.

John has found the hardest thing about going back to work is the pressure to be more, be better, faster, smarter, catching up quicker, and not knowing when and if it is ever enough.  It has made him a bit nutty a few times and worried me.  When is enough enough?  When has he proven himself?  And what is my role in all this?

I know John went back to work, but I feel like I did too!  I feel lost with him.  I have no idea what he really does and I feel helpless to help or even give advice.  Everyone tells me to just tell him he's smart and he'll figure it out, but that doesn't always help.  He's got real struggles and he wants real advice.  How do I help him be able to stop and feel the warmth of his achievements (however small they are) so that he can rest and take a moment to just breath and get perspective?

Yeah, it's hard.

So what have I done?

Prayed.  A lot.  Some people turn to lots of things and they might work, but I have found best of all and quickest of all is prayer.  It calms me right down and it gives me perspective.

After I prayed, a true and earnest prayer of how to help him in whatever way I could, I felt a calm and quiet I haven't felt in a long long time.  There wasn't an answer like, Oh, go tell him this . . . but a sense that all will be well.  I believed it.  When John and I next talked, instead of trying to give him advice and the words everyone told me to tell him, I just listened.

Once I did, it was pretty easy to see what was going on and what was making him crazy.  It was easy for me to see that what he needed was encouragement to take a step up and show the holes he'd found in the systems.  He honestly just needed some affirmation that what he was doing and wanted to do was the right thing.  And it was and once he did go in that direction, work took on a whole new cast and he felt a little bit more comfortable there.  Now. . . I know this is the first in many uncomfortable steps to adjust to a new job.  But I think this advice bears repeating.  Stop, listen, and then when things are clear, give a teeny tiny bit of advice and then a whole mountain of encouragement.

Then hopefully you all can just take a minute and breathe and think, OK, we got that . . . and we will think about whatever else is coming TOMORROW.  Today, we're just going to sit here and soak in the warmth of this moment.