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Green Bananas

What I miss the very mostest about being young is that ability to forget everything but the very moment you are in.

If you are tired, you sleep.

If you are hungry, you eat.

If you want to read, you pick up a book and read.

If you want to watch a movie/show/tv, you sit your little butt down and watch.

If you're a mama, you have to think about nine thousand things before you do anything.

If you are tired, you stay tired because you just don't have time to sleep.

If you are hungry, you'd better go grocery shopping and get cooking because no one is really going to eat if you don't.

If you want to read . . . well, you always want to read, but the laundry, cleaning, weeding, talking, caring, fixing, loving must happen before that happens.

If you want to watch a movie, well, you can try, but really, you probably will just fall asleep.

And be so happy for that sleep because you know, if you're me and you only watch tv with your whole family surrounding you, everyone is beside you and counted for and taken care of for the moment, so all your cares are for a moment lifted and you can REALLY relax and actually let go and drift off.

That, my friends, is where I find peace--on the couch, my head in some crazy angle, John and Finn draped over me with the girls curled up together on the other side of the couch with a loud movie or nature program (our family favorite) playing loudly.  It's like my own personal lullaby.

It's true, I don't actually WATCH many shows, but it's all good.  Sleep, my friends, is precious and you just get it whenever and where ever you can.

Which brings me to the point of this rambling.  Green bananas.

Yes, we are going to talk about Green Bananas.  John's grandparents, the very first time (or almost) time I met them talked about how they just weren't buying green bananas because really . . . you never know if you'll be around to see them ripen.

I don't know why, but it's stuck with me because 1) I always found it super funny and I think they said it to me to make me laugh (which I always did) and 2) because I think it sums up anxiety perfectly.  If you're an anxious person (which I may or may not be), you're always waiting for the worst thing to happen and you won't get to eat your ripe bananas.  You'll be dead or someone you know/love will be or something equally horrid.  Yeah, I know, crazy, but true crazy.

I had a bit of a green banana month this past month.  I seriously was just sitting around waiting for the SHOE to fall.  I did not want to put one tiny bit of faith in the future because, lets face it, the future has not been so kind to me at times.  Me and Future, well, we have an agreement, I don't look towards her and she doesn't mess with me.  Deal?  DEAL.

But here's the truth, I love making plans and getting excited about things to come.  I love anticipation and I love being part of making something great happen . . . next week, month, year . . ..

So . . . without a future, well, life--this present--it seems sort of dull and well, depressing.  Living in the moment, it turns out, is momentary.  It seems so . . . PRESENT.  Green bananas actually are like a great test of fate . . . and that excitement  . . . well, it makes things interesting.  I mean, really, what is more tantalizingly daring than wondering if you will in fact be around to not only see that banana ripen, but to actually EAT it?

 And so . . . I've decided to buy green bananas.  Like  . . .  a lot of them and I'm totally ok with whatever the outcome, because at least, well, I've gone out on a limb and the pay off . . . well, it will be DELICIOUS.

Today, instead of staying in the car while the rain pummeled down and the kids rain and jumped right into the pool, I ran and jumped in with them.  I played tag (and nearly died like sixteen times laughing and swimming--bad mix--they are impossible to catch) for half an hour in the pouring rain.  We laughed and laughed and floated on our backs, our faces stung by the rain, looking at the dark churning clouds--cold on one side, warm on the other.  Pretty much perfect.

I bought a huge bag of Chicago mix pop corn and opened it right up and ate it, even though it was lunch time. 

I am sitting in a wet bathing suit writing instead of showering and folding laundry. 

I'm going wild here!  I may even watch a show and stay awake . . .

And all because I've decided to once again buy green bananas (and just to be safe . .. I bought some yellow ones too . . . ).






Comments

  1. I had the very same thought about what I miss about childhood lately as I have noticed my kids be able to be in the moment and less burdened by worries. And when my kids do start to show signs of mature conscientiousness, I am grateful for their thoughtfulness, but I also want to cradle their little heads and say, "Don't take on those worries too much! Not yet!"

    I like your compromise to get both kinds of bananas. It seems like there are two ways of looking at the two colors of bananas and in the end both kinds have their goodness and purpose, just like both kid and adult ways of being have their goodness and purpose especially when they exist together in the same bowl.

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