I don't know what it is with music lately, but it's bringing up some amazing memories and feelings.
Today, ten minutes ago, I was making Teriyaki sauce for marinating Sunday chicken, when this song on Pandora came on. I don't even know what it is or was called or who it was by, but it's this beautiful love song about how time and age won't change the love he feels for his love. All of a sudden, I was crying, big old tears rolling down my cheeks because I was thinking of my brother, Joseph.
I know, love song and brothers? Nope, they don't often (ever) go together. But today while I was listening to the song, I remembered what it was like to feel completely safe and loved and protected and that's how Joseph always made me feel. (Well, once he grew out of handing me umbrellas and pushing me out of two story forts to see if I floated like my namesake "Mary Poppins" and sticking boogers on the end of vacuum hoses and sticking them through doors for me to "speak" to him through.) Yes indeed, AFTER, he grew out of these episodes, he turned into my champion and friend. And I'll bet if you call any of my four sisters, they'll all say (as they've said to me) the same thing.
In that moment of feeling that wash of love from him (even though I haven't talked to him in three months), it struck me how lucky/blessed I am to have not only A brother, but brothers. Through the years of my life, each of my three brothers has done amazing things for me. I know now that I never knew fear while I grew up because I knew that I had four big champions who would squash anyone or anything that even attempted to hurt me--my dad, John, Mark, and Joseph. I know in this age of Women Rule (and we do!!) there is this down playing of the importance of men in our lives (we can DO it alone--and most of the time we might . . . .), but it's real and huge and makes a difference. I knew if I ever needed anything, there's pretty much nothing they wouldn't do for me. I still feel that way. I felt/feel completely safe and protected and guarded. I know, you can downplay this, but I can't. I am the strong, independent, outspoken, brave woman I am because behind me are fierce, devoted, and strong men.
Two Decembers ago, we (just the eight children) all went down to Florida to surprise my mom for her 70th birthday. I was not excited about the trip. It was in the middle of every party/performance/school thing under the sun and we'd been traveling a ton that year. I also thought it might be weird to just have all the kids together and no spouses. My expectations, to put it mildly, were low. Within twenty minutes of us all being together, I became this leaky faucet that seriously didn't turn off the WHOLE three days we were together. I kept looking at my siblings (especially at my older brothers--13 and 11 years older than me) and remembering all the ways they taught me, loved me, saved me, and made feel so safe growing up. I looked around at these seven amazing people and wondered how on earth I got so lucky to call them my brothers and sisters. When I got off the plane and John asked how it went, I burst into tears all over again and said, I don't know . . . I have no idea how I got so lucky to be part of that group.
And the brothers that have been added to my life through marriage--four from my sisters, three from John, and three from John's sisters--they're all amazing. They're strong and wise and kind and good. I look at them and wonder how we all got so lucky to have them in our families.
Thank you, all the brothers in my life. Thank you for making me feel so safe and cherished and strong. Thank you for being such great example for my daughters of what a brother/man should be. Thank you for making them safe too.
I pray with my whole heart that Henry and Finnegan will learn from you--hopefully before pushing Piper out the window with an umbrella.
Today, ten minutes ago, I was making Teriyaki sauce for marinating Sunday chicken, when this song on Pandora came on. I don't even know what it is or was called or who it was by, but it's this beautiful love song about how time and age won't change the love he feels for his love. All of a sudden, I was crying, big old tears rolling down my cheeks because I was thinking of my brother, Joseph.
I know, love song and brothers? Nope, they don't often (ever) go together. But today while I was listening to the song, I remembered what it was like to feel completely safe and loved and protected and that's how Joseph always made me feel. (Well, once he grew out of handing me umbrellas and pushing me out of two story forts to see if I floated like my namesake "Mary Poppins" and sticking boogers on the end of vacuum hoses and sticking them through doors for me to "speak" to him through.) Yes indeed, AFTER, he grew out of these episodes, he turned into my champion and friend. And I'll bet if you call any of my four sisters, they'll all say (as they've said to me) the same thing.
In that moment of feeling that wash of love from him (even though I haven't talked to him in three months), it struck me how lucky/blessed I am to have not only A brother, but brothers. Through the years of my life, each of my three brothers has done amazing things for me. I know now that I never knew fear while I grew up because I knew that I had four big champions who would squash anyone or anything that even attempted to hurt me--my dad, John, Mark, and Joseph. I know in this age of Women Rule (and we do!!) there is this down playing of the importance of men in our lives (we can DO it alone--and most of the time we might . . . .), but it's real and huge and makes a difference. I knew if I ever needed anything, there's pretty much nothing they wouldn't do for me. I still feel that way. I felt/feel completely safe and protected and guarded. I know, you can downplay this, but I can't. I am the strong, independent, outspoken, brave woman I am because behind me are fierce, devoted, and strong men.
Two Decembers ago, we (just the eight children) all went down to Florida to surprise my mom for her 70th birthday. I was not excited about the trip. It was in the middle of every party/performance/school thing under the sun and we'd been traveling a ton that year. I also thought it might be weird to just have all the kids together and no spouses. My expectations, to put it mildly, were low. Within twenty minutes of us all being together, I became this leaky faucet that seriously didn't turn off the WHOLE three days we were together. I kept looking at my siblings (especially at my older brothers--13 and 11 years older than me) and remembering all the ways they taught me, loved me, saved me, and made feel so safe growing up. I looked around at these seven amazing people and wondered how on earth I got so lucky to call them my brothers and sisters. When I got off the plane and John asked how it went, I burst into tears all over again and said, I don't know . . . I have no idea how I got so lucky to be part of that group.
And the brothers that have been added to my life through marriage--four from my sisters, three from John, and three from John's sisters--they're all amazing. They're strong and wise and kind and good. I look at them and wonder how we all got so lucky to have them in our families.
Thank you, all the brothers in my life. Thank you for making me feel so safe and cherished and strong. Thank you for being such great example for my daughters of what a brother/man should be. Thank you for making them safe too.
I pray with my whole heart that Henry and Finnegan will learn from you--hopefully before pushing Piper out the window with an umbrella.
Piper will have her parachute ready! She's that kind of girl.
ReplyDeleteKnowing all the challenges we face with finding peace and security in family relationships, it is so nice that you documented this other very real side of being family.
I am glad I got another wonderful sister in you, Mary.