First, let's get one thing straight. Croissants make my eyes cross with joy. I love them. If given the chance, I can polish off six of them in one sitting. This is why I never buy them. Well, almost never. Tonight I folded and I've been very loudly making my way through several. Thank you French Pastry Chefs for making my life by creating these flaky buttery concoctions.
Ok, now that that's out of the way, here's the thought for the day: I don't have to do anything, be anything, wear anything or say anything I don't want to.
I know, crazy, huh? You all know this already, right? Well, at 37, I just barely ran straight smack into this fact and HAZZAH! my life is . . . well, I am amazed and filled with wonder. My friend told me this would happen (thank you Nancy), but I didn't believe her. So I'm here to tell you, all you anxious, worried, thinking you're not quite enough young women, you'll wake up one morning and realize that YOU own the day. You call the shots. You control your own destiny and do not have to bow to anything or anyone you don't want to.
These are my favorite realizations:
1. I don't have to hold up a friendship. If they don't call me, well, I'm not the only one who has to hold it together. If friendship is important to them, they can call me! And I'll be so happy. Until then, I'll let that friendship go into a healthy coma.
2. I don't have to heal the woes of the world. I know, I'm an idiot to ever think I could, but an idiot is born every day and I happen to be a HUGE idiot. Sure, I cry about starving babies in Africa, but now I focus on getting my kids to do their homework and make sure my neighbors' ok. I'm focusing on what I can see and touch and deal with.
3. I don't have to say YES to everything. Again, idiot-ville, but I have this thing where my response is always ALWAYS yes! This is the hardest one for everyone to get used to, I've noticed. I'm the go-to girl. Well, this go-to girls learned a two letter word and it's WONDERFuL! A no here means a big fat YES there! Wahoo! Of course, this was all born from having 5 children who need my time, energy, and resources. Really, there isn't many yeses inside of me anymore. Thank you children for making NO so easy!
4. I don't have to look perfect. I know, again, WHERE DID THIS IDEA COME FROM? No one ever looks perfect all the time. And seriously, who want's to? Plus, how exhausting and for such little reward! Bah twice. Well, I guess I did. I worked so so so hard to be a certain weight, dress a certain way and I didn't even know it. I didn't know how much time and energy it took up. I just knew I hated getting dressed or looking at any mirrors ever. I didn't admit it to myself or anyone else, but well, that was another stupid thing. Bah, what a waste. But not anymore! Now I dress for me and it's SOO fun! Seriously, it's like I've rediscovered clothes and shoes and jewelry all over again. It's an adventure to go into the closet. Or not go in. Like today, I'm rank from running and yoga, my hair makes Medusa look beautiful, and every flaw is brilliantly obvious on my face. But I've had meetings, taken kids from here to kingdom come, and even grocery shopped. It's all good. I eat well, but I don't think about it to hard. If I've got some padding everywhere, well, that just makes me much more comfortable to hug. Yes it does! I actually love to run and do all sorts of work outs a thousand times more now when it's not for anything but for fun.
5. Which brings me to the last realization that I've loved and hated: Honesty. I'm looking the great beast of my failings in the face and I'm telling you, it's amazing. Mostly I'm seeing some serious ugliness and frailty and stupidity and shallow, back biting, condemning, judgementalness. Ick. I feel like I'm holding up that horrible mirror in Something Wicked This Way Comes that shows all my fears and worst attributes. But the best part is that I'm learning to love that pooy part of me. And as I do that, I find I much easier on myself, my kids, my husband, my friends and family. I know, you all have this figured out like ten years ago, but I'm coming! I'm getting it.
6. OH, wait, just one more: I don't have to be perfect. I can be mad. I can be shallow. I can be hurt. I can be a crap mom or wife and the universe will still move forward and somehow I'm still lovable. People still might want to be friends with me (I know. . . in Henry's word, "Debatable . . . ") and I'm ok.
That's my favorite realization of all.
Ok, now that that's out of the way, here's the thought for the day: I don't have to do anything, be anything, wear anything or say anything I don't want to.
I know, crazy, huh? You all know this already, right? Well, at 37, I just barely ran straight smack into this fact and HAZZAH! my life is . . . well, I am amazed and filled with wonder. My friend told me this would happen (thank you Nancy), but I didn't believe her. So I'm here to tell you, all you anxious, worried, thinking you're not quite enough young women, you'll wake up one morning and realize that YOU own the day. You call the shots. You control your own destiny and do not have to bow to anything or anyone you don't want to.
These are my favorite realizations:
1. I don't have to hold up a friendship. If they don't call me, well, I'm not the only one who has to hold it together. If friendship is important to them, they can call me! And I'll be so happy. Until then, I'll let that friendship go into a healthy coma.
2. I don't have to heal the woes of the world. I know, I'm an idiot to ever think I could, but an idiot is born every day and I happen to be a HUGE idiot. Sure, I cry about starving babies in Africa, but now I focus on getting my kids to do their homework and make sure my neighbors' ok. I'm focusing on what I can see and touch and deal with.
3. I don't have to say YES to everything. Again, idiot-ville, but I have this thing where my response is always ALWAYS yes! This is the hardest one for everyone to get used to, I've noticed. I'm the go-to girl. Well, this go-to girls learned a two letter word and it's WONDERFuL! A no here means a big fat YES there! Wahoo! Of course, this was all born from having 5 children who need my time, energy, and resources. Really, there isn't many yeses inside of me anymore. Thank you children for making NO so easy!
4. I don't have to look perfect. I know, again, WHERE DID THIS IDEA COME FROM? No one ever looks perfect all the time. And seriously, who want's to? Plus, how exhausting and for such little reward! Bah twice. Well, I guess I did. I worked so so so hard to be a certain weight, dress a certain way and I didn't even know it. I didn't know how much time and energy it took up. I just knew I hated getting dressed or looking at any mirrors ever. I didn't admit it to myself or anyone else, but well, that was another stupid thing. Bah, what a waste. But not anymore! Now I dress for me and it's SOO fun! Seriously, it's like I've rediscovered clothes and shoes and jewelry all over again. It's an adventure to go into the closet. Or not go in. Like today, I'm rank from running and yoga, my hair makes Medusa look beautiful, and every flaw is brilliantly obvious on my face. But I've had meetings, taken kids from here to kingdom come, and even grocery shopped. It's all good. I eat well, but I don't think about it to hard. If I've got some padding everywhere, well, that just makes me much more comfortable to hug. Yes it does! I actually love to run and do all sorts of work outs a thousand times more now when it's not for anything but for fun.
5. Which brings me to the last realization that I've loved and hated: Honesty. I'm looking the great beast of my failings in the face and I'm telling you, it's amazing. Mostly I'm seeing some serious ugliness and frailty and stupidity and shallow, back biting, condemning, judgementalness. Ick. I feel like I'm holding up that horrible mirror in Something Wicked This Way Comes that shows all my fears and worst attributes. But the best part is that I'm learning to love that pooy part of me. And as I do that, I find I much easier on myself, my kids, my husband, my friends and family. I know, you all have this figured out like ten years ago, but I'm coming! I'm getting it.
6. OH, wait, just one more: I don't have to be perfect. I can be mad. I can be shallow. I can be hurt. I can be a crap mom or wife and the universe will still move forward and somehow I'm still lovable. People still might want to be friends with me (I know. . . in Henry's word, "Debatable . . . ") and I'm ok.
That's my favorite realization of all.
Yes, Mary. Yes, yes, yes. I especially need to learn that I don't have to hold a friendship up.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are back, Mary. I was missing being able to come to your porch or kitchen, blog-style. What I take from all these realizations is something I think that keeps me going deep down: I am a work in progress and becoming something truly worthy and able and many ways. That helps me recognize that I am worthy and able in some ways now, and there is true beauty in each part of the process (alongside the ugliness of the feelings of ugliness). When you accept yourself and become accountable for yourself it is a good thing. But to love others and let that process be in them, too. Also good. Thanks for sharing the thoughts and for still being YOU even as you get a chance to phoenix.
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