The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

I woke up yesterday morning, Saturday (or the same day I've woken up to for who knows how many day . . . totally lost count. . . Groundhog Day), and literally thought, Everything's  not  awesome.  This is hard.  I am discouraged. I feel overwhelmed. Celia got a call Thursday that one of her friends in SLC who she ate lunch with on Wednesday has had possible contact with the virus.  He lives with his brother who found out his coworker (the brother's coworker) has tested positive.  Who knows how close the contact really was or what the chances are, but it's thrown Celia for a loop.  She's so careful when she comes home from work to change and wash and do everything she can, but she couldn't control for that.  She feels guilt and fear and worry. What if, she said, I've infected you all? These are the things our children who work are dealing with.  The guilt and worry.  Not to mention online classes (college) and so many opportunities an...

So I go this from a friend today and literally could not stop laughing: Because for reals . . . I've been looking in the mirror, and each day I think I age about 10 years.  No joke.  I'm out of my special night cream (it works miracles . . . Derma-e anti aging . ..I'll tell you more about it later) and I haven't been able to go get my monthly facial and I think I'm forgetting to even wash my face let alone lotion it . . .  So really, I look like Sue.  Only I'm 45, so I'm more like an Egyptian mummy . . .  What are you guys doing without?   I don't think of myself as a vain person or even a high-maintenance person, but holy cow, turns out I just MIGHT be. My nails, without their every few weeks appointment, look horrible.  Who knew that under my years of toe polish are some really ugly, not so healthy nails?  Oh . . . and my poor finger nails.   But those are all easily hidden to the public eye . . . my hair . . . ...

I am going to weigh 900 pounds by the end of this. The first five days, I was in shock and fear and worry and I didn't eat.  These last five days . . . lets just say it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say all I've done is eat.   Forget healthy stuff,  I want CARBS.  Not pictured is the bundt cake (ate it too fast) and double recipe of chocolate chip cookies (gone gone gone).  And chips, oh how I love my salty flavorful chips . . . Because, lets face it, we all need something good in our lives right now.  Mine might be cookies and Doritos. Yours might be carrots and celery (you go!).  What ever it is, doesn't it feels wonderful to gather around warm/delicious things and share them and enjoy something together.  We are REALLY enjoying our time together these day? Well . . . sort of.  We are all at loose ends.  John's used being gone all day, and during that day super busy.  I'm used to being home alone for abo...

Wow. This month . . . it's been CRAZY. This is me and John . . . two weeks ago. Two weeks ago today, we were driving around Costa Rica on these old dirt roads and crazy steep turns and twists and holes and beaches that stretch on forever with little turtle eggs just hatched and sun and heat forever.  It was dreamy in every way.  Except . . .  Underneath it all . . . there was a sobering knowledge that things were spreading and fear was mounting.  We tried to push it away, but all the news, when we looked at it was bad.  Then the text from airlines started scaring us.  We never discussed it, but there was a real fear that we wouldn't be able to get home.  OR if we would get home, we'd have to stay away from our kids for two weeks.   Flying the Wednesday, March 11 (or before the world as we knew it ended), was a somber and worrisome experience.  Everyone was serious.  Everyone kept their distance from you.  In...

The view from our hike to Box Elder (it was wicked hard, but GORGEOUS . . . and we got to see it a lot because we kept having to stop and catch our breath) First off, who did a little movie/show watching on Tuesday at 1pm? Oh, yeah, I did.  With little Henry on my lap, and it was some baby show I cannot pronounce . . . but he loved it and I got to relax for a minute so I count that as a win win.  And it was fruit snacks and goldfish instead of apples and popcorn, but again . . . we were all happy, so that's a win. Today was such a good day. No for reals, there is no filter, it was this breathtaking (literally) I woke up before my alarm (darn bladder), but didn't get too frustrated. We ran in the dark and despite the endless stream of cars blinding us with their lights, I was able to run without pain or wonky stride so being blinded was NOTHING. My German pancakes, which have been big flops lately, came out PERFECTLY--fluffy, light, crisp on the edges and ...

For reals, I feel so crazy.  And I mean literally crazy.  I wake up each morning and look in the mirror and am like, WHAT THE HECK?  And really, I just want to go back to bed because . .. who knows what sort of surprises the days holds.  And I'm not feeling ready for any more surprises.  Thank you Universe, but I think I'm good for now.  Move along to someone else . . . IE . . . Shew! Only, the Universe doesn't even bother listening.  In face, I'm 100% sure I hear a slightly mischievous  laugh . . . Ha ha ha, she thinks she's done!  It's only the beginning . . . after my morning ritual of looking at myself in the mirror.  Truth. So in response to the trickster Universe, I woke up at 4:56am and got out of bed BEFORE any mischief could happen.  I turned on the fire place and pulled out my old notebook and pen and let my thoughts flow out slowly and unevenly through my hands, old school writing.  Finally, after lite...

Saturday I turn 44. I look 44. A few years ago, I tried really hard to hide the fact that I was in my 40s. I was, in fact, idiotic.  It happens. Now, each day, I look in the mirror and think, Hey, only one new wrinkle. Dang girl, you're looking good! Yeah.  At some point, I had this shift.  Instead of all the stuff going wrong, I started being really grateful for all the stuff that's going right. Which tops my list: 1.  Glad to be alive, just because I am ALIVE .  It's a blessing to be able to be in this miraculous world right at this moment. 2. Watching my children grow up .  Rearing children is the stuff of jugglers, optimists, heroes, mathematicians, estheticians, nutritionalists and magicians. Watching them leap out of the nest and fly, more awesome (and terrifying) than I ever expected.  Moses, it's amazing.  Thank you, God, for letting me be here to watch this . . . please help me not to mess it up. 3...