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My God! What have I done?

Faith.  Publishing, starting a business, growing a garden . . .it takes a lot of hard work and FAITH



The lyrics of that song have been running through my head all weekend and if you could see my face, I am living it.  What have I done?  

I've done something I am not prepared for, I have little/no experience, and I have grave doubts about my ability to see it through . . . eek!

Sounds like having a baby doesn't it?  

But no, I did not do that.  My children are now doing that (and holy hannah, are they producing winners!).

What I did was finally publish my Master's Thesis (that I defended seventeen years ago), in preparation for publishing the trilogy I've been working on for the last four years. It's my first baby and I loved it and I'm so proud of it--The Confusing and Miraculous Life of Kate James.  And my other three?  Well they are three stand alone books about three different generations.  There's a little drama, a little mystery, a little magic, and a LOT of love.

I'm surprised by how insecure this process has made me.  I'm forty-seven for heavens sake.  What do I have to lose, right?  Just do it, who cares if nothing ever happens?  If no one reads it? If it's a horrific dismal failure?

Hmm.

Turns out, I do.

But that's not stopping me.

I just read a facebook post today from someone I grew up with.  He said that we should do something that pushes us beyond our comfort zone--something that has a 50/50 chance of success or failure--so we can see what we are made of.  Who we are inside, what lengths we can go, what challenges we can face and obstacles we can overcome--even if you don't--get exposed when we take that risk.  Even if you fail, you still put yourself out there for the fates to give you a chance to SUCCEED.  

Dang.  That's inspiring.

After arguing with my writing group that I just wasn't ready for the past five years . .. I threw up my hands and said, I'll never be ready, so LET'S DO THIS!

I'm 99% nothing will come of my attempt, but I realize that's not really the point.  The point is, I did something I was terrified of doing.  I did something I am pretty sure I'm going to fail at, but I DID IT ANYWAY.

Dang, there is freedom in that.  Like wild liberation that makes you want to do crazy pagan dances outside under the moon (or sun with all your neighbors watching, yelling, "Pay me no mind!").

And I've engaged an amazing editor--one I pay--and I'm paying for advertising and I'm making Facebook pages and instagram accounts--all of which is unknown and I am quite frankly bad at, but I'm going for it.  Absolutely no guarantee of success; in fact, a pretty massive chance of dismal failure.  But that's not stopping me. 

I'm doing this.  

And you?  What are you doing?  What mad talent are you harboring, dreaming of making a career, that you're hiding away?  Hmm?  Yeah, life is way way WAY too short.  Try it.  Take a risk.  Invest in yourself. 

You may fail, but dang . . . what if . . . what if you succeed?




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