My God! What have I done?

Faith. Publishing, starting a business, growing a garden . . .it takes a lot of hard work and FAITH

The lyrics of that song have been running through my head all weekend and if you could see my face, I am living it. What have I done?

I've done something I am not prepared for, I have little/no experience, and I have grave doubts about my ability to see it through . . . eek!

Sounds like having a baby doesn't it?

But no, I did not do that. My children are now doing that (and holy hannah, are they producing winners!).

What I did was finally publish my Master's Thesis (that I defended seventeen years ago), in preparation for publishing the trilogy I've been working on for the last four years. It's my first baby and I loved it and I'm so proud of it--The Confusing and Miraculous Life of Kate James. And my other three? Well they are three stand alone books about three different generations. There's a little drama, a little mystery, a little magic, and a LOT of love.

I'm surprised by how insecure this process has made me. I'm forty-seven for heavens sake. What do I have to lose, right? Just do it, who cares if nothing ever happens? If no one reads it? If it's a horrific dismal failure?

Hmm.

Turns out, I do.

But that's not stopping me.

I just read a facebook post today from someone I grew up with. He said that we should do something that pushes us beyond our comfort zone--something that has a 50/50 chance of success or failure--so we can see what we are made of. Who we are inside, what lengths we can go, what challenges we can face and obstacles we can overcome--even if you don't--get exposed when we take that risk. Even if you fail, you still put yourself out there for the fates to give you a chance to SUCCEED.

Dang. That's inspiring.

After arguing with my writing group that I just wasn't ready for the past five years . .. I threw up my hands and said, I'll never be ready, so LET'S DO THIS!

I'm 99% nothing will come of my attempt, but I realize that's not really the point. The point is, I did something I was terrified of doing. I did something I am pretty sure I'm going to fail at, but I DID IT ANYWAY.

Dang, there is freedom in that. Like wild liberation that makes you want to do crazy pagan dances outside under the moon (or sun with all your neighbors watching, yelling, "Pay me no mind!").

And I've engaged an amazing editor--one I pay--and I'm paying for advertising and I'm making Facebook pages and instagram accounts--all of which is unknown and I am quite frankly bad at, but I'm going for it. Absolutely no guarantee of success; in fact, a pretty massive chance of dismal failure. But that's not stopping me.

I'm doing this.

And you? What are you doing? What mad talent are you harboring, dreaming of making a career, that you're hiding away? Hmm? Yeah, life is way way WAY too short. Try it. Take a risk. Invest in yourself.

You may fail, but dang . . . what if . . . what if you succeed?

oh how things change

It's amazing how having a big old stressers changes everything. Things you thought were super important seem so silly and things I took for granted seem so precious and important. I feel like I've been blind, and now I see. I was listening to one of my friends talk about weight loss and how to get her extra five pounds off and how often she things about it. I looked down at my belly and thought, I can't remember the last time I even thought about my body or my wrinkles or my sagging places. With a whole new set of much more pressing worries, physical appearance has gone out the window. Not completely, of course; I still want to be look my best, but my best has changed. My best is smiling. My best is a good day where I can easily smile and laugh. My best is a daily prayer of gratitude that we've gone another day healthy and well. Today, that changed. Finn's been complaining of a pain in his leg since May and for about a week, he walke...

Green Bananas

What I miss the very mostest about being young is that ability to forget everything but the very moment you are in. If you are tired, you sleep. If you are hungry, you eat. If you want to read, you pick up a book and read. If you want to watch a movie/show/tv, you sit your little butt down and watch. If you're a mama, you have to think about nine thousand things before you do anything. If you are tired, you stay tired because you just don't have time to sleep. If you are hungry, you'd better go grocery shopping and get cooking because no one is really going to eat if you don't. If you want to read . . . well, you always want to read, but the laundry, cleaning, weeding, talking, caring, fixing, loving must happen before that happens. If you want to watch a movie, well, you can try, but really, you probably will just fall asleep. And be so happy for that sleep because you know, if you're me and you only watch tv with your whole family surrounding y...

Distracted

I've been very distracted this week for lots of reasons--John still getting adjusted to his job, me getting adjusted to my job again (mama without a nanny), Celia riding (or not riding) her horse, and my beautiful niece getting engaged and being part of the process. I'll let you see the process . . . The start of the Engagement Walk . . . Cody was up the hill waiting for Hannon . . . (the white dots in the photo is SNOW) Walking up the hill trying really hard not to tell Hannon . . . The hiding while the Proposal Happened . . . And here they are . . . Engaged . . . The Congratulations . . . The Family Selfie . . . BEAUTIFUL MOMENT And Us with Evie . . . because it's too darling not to add to the beauty of the day The Triumphant Decent (leaving the newly engaged behind) And Finishing up the evening with Easter Egg dying . . . Isn't it beauti...

The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

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