The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

Fridays are our hiking days. And often, our snake sighting days. A month ago, when  we hiked Squaw Peak, we saw a little rattler who said hello and moved away. Two weeks ago, we climbed a peak, Huegh’s Canyon, John and Piper sat right above a rattler, a big fat daddy rattler who rattled out warning before striking.  Literally, their ankles were three inches from his fat diamond shaped head. Cardio burst for the year!  They were yelling and I was screaming out, Did you get bitten? Glory glory, Hallelujah, because we were an hour of butt sliding steep slopes from help.  Needless to say, we counted our lucky stars and vowed to look under all rocks and also . . . Pretty nervous about any hiking at all. So you can understand, when our next hike, Mount Olympus, Alltrails reviews were full of snake sightings, and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE talked about their rattle snake on the trail (up to four on the path) and the latest hiker reporting a fellow hiker with a “gna...

Our country is on FIRE right now.  Social media probably has never been used for a better cause—spreading awareness of injustice and some serious issues that need to be examined really closely.  We are being asked to really think about ourselves ask ourselves what we believe and what might be hidden inside psychic that might be prejudice and hurtful.  It’s painful and uncomfortable and maybe even a little sad.  But on the flip side, how awesome that we are all getting the chance to really examine our minds and hearts and if we find them lacking, are able to change them.   I have found myself lacking. In so so many ways.  It’s been humbling and made me rethink how I view everyone and everything.  But most of all, how I act or don’t act.  Not just in response to the riots and racial issues, but in my everyday life.  Am I giving everyone a fair chance?  Am I accepting and loving and appreciative of who the people around me are RIGHT no...

I hate snakes. It is completely irrational and silly, but the sight of a slithering snake brings wild screams out of me and I do the mad jumping dance that leaves me panting and my legs shaky.  I see probably one or maybe two a year. This year, I have seen one nearly every single time I have gone outside. Every.  Single.  Time. And I swear to you, it's the same one. Today, as I was chatting away with my friend as we jogged down our favorite, and super traveled (hiked, biked, ran) trail, the stick right below us twisted and withdrew and jerked. Yep, right below us as we sailed over it, was my friend, Mr. Fat Long and Feisty Gopher Snake (he is male. . . all snakes are male).  He twisted and I swear tried to nip at my friends heals (I has leaping over his tail--hallelujah). When we came to a stop ten feet away, panting and possibly still screaming, we turned and watched him look over at us, frustrated with us for ruining his lovely su...

We have escaped—my sister’s beautiful home . ..  I feel so grateful . .. and also, you can totally see my crooked nose (darn swing). It’s so easy to count the ways life right now is hard.  Right?  I think we are all on this crazy roller coaster—good days, ok days, and then just plane old blah days.  I had a few blah days for the past weeks watching my kids adjust to the idea that summer wasn’t going to be the summer we had planned and yet more disappointments were ahead. On Monday when Finnegan was officially done with all school work, we found him at 8:15am on the couch moaning.   “What’s going on?”we asked. “It’s 8:15am,” he yelled out, his voice breaking twice as only a thirteen year old boy can, “and I’m BOARED to death!!” I looked at John and he looked at me and we both felt this moment of panic.  It was May 17 for heavens sake, how were we going to do a whole summer?  And maybe a fall too? Right then and there I wante...

Things are better.  They’ve begun to open restaurants and stores.  More people are out and we can gather in groups of 20 and everyone is gathering.  There is a feeling of joy in the air—of relief and resolve and determination.  It’s kind of amazing to witness.  Yes, our numbers are pretty much staying steady, but they’re not spiking like crazy (yet) and we have hope mixed with the rather grim knowledge that Covid-19 isn’t really going anywhere. We are just learning to live with it’s costs and demands. It’s not comfortable.  Wearing a mask is literally suffocating and I feel like I’ve got deaf and dumb.  No one can hear me and I sure as heck can’t understand what anyone else is saying.  But I’m learning how to see the crinkles around peoples eyes to know they’re smiling.  I’m looking at eyes and eyebrows to sense emotions and I think I’m gettin good at it.  I think for the most part, I see sparkly crinkly eyes of smiles. T...

You all, it’s rough in these parts these days. I want to say I’m thriving and killing it and can now speak Italian fluently, have cleaned out all my closets, have learned to make croissants, give my family three course meals twice a day with delightful lunches here and there, have picked up a new hobby, and have lost five pounds. But I can’t. Most days, I'm just getting by.  I have these great ideas of what I want to do, but implementing them is just so hard.  I don't know why.  I’m not depressed, it's not that.  But I feel just sort of numb. I think I've had Covid-19 overload.  It's hard to motivate myself when there isn't a motivator, right?  And even though I feel pretty darn good most of the time, periodically, I wake up between 4 and 5am.  It's not with a panic attack.  Just, boom, wide awake, thinking about the people I won't be able to spend time with, the clothes that I miss shopping for, the home goods stores I loved to browse, gett...

When I was in the shower yesterday morning I thought, what day is it? I honestly had to think for a full five minutes before I figured out what day it was.  There was no reference point.  We are always home.  There are no weekends, there are no trips, no one goes to work, there isn't a shopping day . . . it's all a blur.  I honestly can't tell when one day ends and another begins. I had to sit down and take deep breaths when I tried to figure out the date.  I had no idea . . . somewhere in April?  I think? Some days we have breakfast at 8am, others it's at 10:30am.  Lunch?  Totally random if it even happens.  Dinner is anywhere between 4:30pm and 8:30pm and it varies between gourmet five dish meals and a hotdog where the bun is negotiable.   And the exhaustion . . . I wake up ready to go right back to bed.  And then some nights, I don't sleep at all.  One never knows which will happen.  But all day every...