The Phoenix: Epicuriousmothering Rising

You all, it’s rough in these parts these days. I want to say I’m thriving and killing it and can now speak Italian fluently, have cleaned out all my closets, have learned to make croissants, give my family three course meals twice a day with delightful lunches here and there, have picked up a new hobby, and have lost five pounds. But I can’t. Most days, I'm just getting by.  I have these great ideas of what I want to do, but implementing them is just so hard.  I don't know why.  I’m not depressed, it's not that.  But I feel just sort of numb. I think I've had Covid-19 overload.  It's hard to motivate myself when there isn't a motivator, right?  And even though I feel pretty darn good most of the time, periodically, I wake up between 4 and 5am.  It's not with a panic attack.  Just, boom, wide awake, thinking about the people I won't be able to spend time with, the clothes that I miss shopping for, the home goods stores I loved to browse, gett...

When I was in the shower yesterday morning I thought, what day is it? I honestly had to think for a full five minutes before I figured out what day it was.  There was no reference point.  We are always home.  There are no weekends, there are no trips, no one goes to work, there isn't a shopping day . . . it's all a blur.  I honestly can't tell when one day ends and another begins. I had to sit down and take deep breaths when I tried to figure out the date.  I had no idea . . . somewhere in April?  I think? Some days we have breakfast at 8am, others it's at 10:30am.  Lunch?  Totally random if it even happens.  Dinner is anywhere between 4:30pm and 8:30pm and it varies between gourmet five dish meals and a hotdog where the bun is negotiable.   And the exhaustion . . . I wake up ready to go right back to bed.  And then some nights, I don't sleep at all.  One never knows which will happen.  But all day every...

It is dawn.   The mountains are outlined in a gentle glow of the first light of the day.  The birds are singing and everyone is still fast asleep.  I've been watching as the sky gets brighter and brighter, each second more illumination lighting the world.  The blossoms on the bushes and the fat buds on all the trees just waiting for the warming days to call out the green fluttering leaves.  Spring is heavy with rebirth, ready to deliver us all the beauty it's kept nurturing through the cold dark winter. We just have to be patient and let nature take her time and know that the season of cold and death and darkness will always be followed by warmth and life and sunlight. I can't help but see these parallels in our own lives.  There is so much heavy winter where it seems there simply is no hope of the spring coming in our lives.  I keep thinking of the quote from JRR Tolkien, between Frodo and Gandalf in the dark mines of Moria: “I wish it nee...

Carbs for days. That is the theme of my life right now.   My quote of the week:  "We can afford to lose ten pounds after this, but we CANNOT afford to lose our sanity!  So bread it is!  . . . and cakes, and cupcakes, and cookies, and pancakes and donuts and pretzels . . .  My friend sent me this meme: And this is me. I feel horrible.  I mean, I've supposedly got hours and hours of nothing to do a day and why am I not composing a symphony or writing a book (which I actually have one I'm working on) or at least painting my house or cleaning my windows? What is wrong with me? Because I'll be honest here, I wake up at a someone early hour and then I blink twice and my day is done.   What on earth did I do with those 16 hours I was up?   I definitely didn't clean or make anything (other than bread or cookies) useful.  I am pretty sure I didn't brush my teeth and I definitely didn't do my hair. ...